Ranting Sunday!

I wake early this morning but make the age old mistake of cuddling the baby for a few extra minutes and next thing I know, I jolt awake to the roar of my husband's tractor spluttering to life. I curse silently in my head. I fell back asleep and now he has escaped and I am left to do everything on my own again even though it is Sunday morning.
I feed the baby, check Child#1's blood sugar and get dressed. I am putting on some make up when my husband reappears only to warn me that he has to go again. It seems he is the silage fairy, delivering bales to everybody in his trusty, rusty tractor like a feckin milkman.

I go downstairs and tidy the kitchen and put on a load of laundry. I make rounds of chocolate toast for the kids and warn them not to eat in the sitting room. Child#2 is on a sleepover with a friend. I decide to go straight to lunch on my Operation Transformation app as it's nearly 11 30am and there is no point forcing down porridge that I don't even enjoy. I eat my ham and cheese wrap though the app clearly says chicken and I decide to eat my afternoon snack as well.
My husband arrives home again and declares he has to put two front tyres on my car as if he is on the verge of saving my life, when really he wants to spend an hour down at the neighbours talking sh#te while the tyres are being fitted. He also has to go to a funeral and bring his Mom somewhere.
I ask if I should go for my walk now then while he is eating his lunch. His face falls and agrees reluctantly warning me not to be long. I fight the urge to claw his face off and remind him that I am not solely in charge of the 6 children and housework and I deserve time out too. I might seem very down on the poor husband today but I just feel so stressed all week and weekend as the housework has piled up due to all the appointments and every time I tidy one room, the children wreck it again!

Farming started off as my husband's past time just as walking, writing or shopping is my past time. Yet, I don't get any time to do my activities until late at night while he farms every evening after work and Saturday and Sunday. I don't expect him to clean the whole house but it would be nice if he and the kids would help tidy up their own messes or put away their own clothes or just stop being fecking slobs! Even if they acknowledged my efforts it would be something! My husband gets to do everything he wants while my life slips away in a blur of housework and laundry. I angrily pull on my running leggings, slightly concerned about how tight they are, and before I go I remind my husband that I will be back at work soon and he'd better start to help out then or get a housekeeper. With that I stalk out the back door with my head in the air. Unfortunately, I catch my glasses in the door as I pull it after me and I have to return, tripping over a load of cats.

I hop in the car with the two dogs and head for the beach. The sky looks very dark and grey but it was like that yesterday and the rain held off. I went to the toilet this time before I left as I did not want a repeat  of yesterday's walk.  Yesterday, I had just locked the car and walked about ten steps when I had the sudden urge to pee. There were a few cars dotted here and there in the distance so I knew there were people walking on the beach. I walked further along the beach doing my pelvic floors and willing the urgency to pass but no such luck. Where I was on the beach was clear from any walkers but unfortunately some enthusiast was kite surfing back and over the bay in clear view of where I was. So I had no option but to go in search of a nice high rock. I spied a wide expanse of high, pointy cliff type rocks with a deep crevice in between. As I got closer, I realised the crevice was about 5 foot high. I gingerly climbed down to pee safe in the knowledge that the tide was well out. My two dogs looked at me with curiosty and within seconds I hauled myself up again, greatly relieved. As I power walked across the beach, I chided myself at how stupid I had been. If I had slipped and twisted my ankle or worse banged my head rendering me unconscious, I was not visible to any passersby and the tide would have come in and drowned me. I scared myself so much with my dark thoughts that I quickly turned around to go home to safety!

Anyway, I was flying along today walking out my bad mood, when suddenly the skies open and hailstones pelt down on my poor face. I grit my teeth and keep going. The rain continues relentlessly so after 1.5km I turn back. I squelch my way to the car and drive home.
As I enter the house, my husband greets me with 'Got a little wet did you?' . I tell him I don't mind the rain and give the old saying 'There is no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing'. Child#1 pipes up that Nana and my husband were laughing while I was gone because I got caught in the rain. Of course, I see red and ask my husband why my mother in law was even down...could he not manage the baby himself. I shout why couldn't he make a start on folding the clothes instead of laughing at me with his Mommy. My husband retaliates saying I'm just mad because I got wet. I go to get changed and I hear my husband tell Child#1 to tidy the kitchen and stop being such a trouble maker. I turn to ask my husband why he doesn't clean the kitchen and let Child#1 tidy the sitting room that he messed. My husbands reminds me that he is going and has 'things to do' and then to add insult to injury , tells me to move my sh*t off the counter and with that he has the audacity to throw my new Emily Norris planner to one side. I banish him from my kitchen and tell him in no uncertain terms that this is my domain...my kitchen/office.

After a cup of tea and a biscuit, I calm down and feel energised enough to tackle my pile of clothes in the dining room. I fold clothes all evening in between feeding the baby and the kids. I clean out the utility and light a nice smelly yankee candle. By the time my husband returns, the place is tidy, the clothes are folded and dinner is on. My husband meekly smiles around the kitchen door and because I need him to carry all my baskets of clothes to the different bedrooms, I smile back. Relieved, he happily goes about his duties while I burn my fingers peeling boiled potatoes...the bane of my life.

I put the baby to bed and put away all our clothes. I paint my daughter's nails and try clip Child#4's nails but chase him off to scrub his nails with the nail brush when the nail clippers nearly broke on the dirt underneath his fingernails. Child#1 and 3 bite their nails unfortunately and Child#3 clips his own nails. I read the two younger kids a story and then tell them to go to bed. I do my 7 minutes exercise with Lucy twice, nearly doing the splits when my foot lands on the exercise mat and slips, then I run downstairs to put on yet another wash and evict my husband from Child#4's bed. Child#4 likes to have my husband lie there until he falls asleep. The trouble is my husband puts himself to sleep first.

I get ready for bed and remind Child#1 to have his shower. I don't want a repeat of last night when he nearly smothered us all with the smell of Linx. I plan to write this blog entry and then write a few chapters of my 'novel'. I got the urge to write again yesterday so after a hiatus of two years, I went in search of my memory stick and started typing away as inspiration flowed.

I have to go to physio tomorrow and I plan to leave the baby with my mother in law for the first time. I usually take him with me but he is getting more alert now and demanding and does not let me work with the physio. Last time, a student physio had to carry him around while I had therapy on my wrists! I have an early start so I will sign off here!
Good night!