Friday!

Hello again,
It has been nearly a week again since I have posted a blog. I'd like to say I was extremely busy being healthy but alas, I fear not. I get up every morning and bake muffins for the kids, do the school run, sort the laundry and tidy the house so I can tick it off on my cleaning sheet. Then, if I don't have to do shopping, I sit and hold the baby and read or watch you tube videos until it is time to pick up the children again.
Once I pick up the kids, it's all go, between feeding them and bringing them to their activities. So, that window of two hours quiet time is important so I am not frazzled by the time I collect them.
The days of my Maternity Leave are numbered, therefore I need to pull back from all the rushing and enjoy the baby before I am back to work. My poor sister returned to work last Monday and has one week down already.
I have spent my quiet time today researching Art Competitions and courses for Child#2. Both Child#1 and Child#2 are exceptionally able. I had them assessed by an Educational Psychologist a few years ago because of their high test scores and their boredom in class. Anyway, Child#1 is kept busy with his friends, sport, xbox and the wonders of First Year whereas poor Child#2 is bored and getting increasingly frustrated. He has a huge interest in History and Art and Lego but I cannot answer a lot of his questions. I contacted a local historian to take him under his wing so fingers crossed that will work out. Unfortunately, we are over an hour from the city where there are numerous courses that he could access. Child#3 is the same way but I have not had him assessed as he is managing well in school. Again, he puts his energies into rugby, soccer and football.
As for Child#4 and 5, I will focus on trying to get homework done without a  huge row!
Child#1, 2, 3,  and 4 have rugby matches tomorrow. The buses leave at 8.15a.m. There goes my small sleep in window!
As you may have noticed, today is February 15th and I am here safely at home typing and not in hosptial getting my surgery! I am still not sure that I made the right decision putting it off for a while, but trying to make up my mind about it drove me crazy so it was best to postpone until I felt better about it.
I got my yearly dozen red roses yesterday evening from the husband. I made him a little card and tried to pass it off as being an extra thoughtful gesture. In truth, I didn't want to stop and buy a card and risk all the kids running out of the car into the shop. I will take him out for dinner when my bank account is not in the red. I rubbed deep heat into his aching back as a gift for now which is a huge deal for me as I detest the smell.

My fit watch came on Monday morning and I cannot sit in peace now with a cup of tea without it telling me to get up and be more active. The weather has been stormy so I only got out for an actual walk twice. I have abandoned the Lucy Windham workouts. I really need to start back into them again...and writing my novel...and dressing in normal clothes each day. I have taken to wearing active wear daily in the hopes I will actually be more active. I think what I need to do now is compare my steps to the Samsung together group to inspire or shame me into doing more. I suspect I have an ingrown toenail also because of the pain in my toe when I walk.

My husband is taking on the building of a house far away so he will have to stay gone for the week from March on. I offered to learn how to drive the tractor so I can help in the farming when he is gone. I welcome a new challenge though part of me is safe in the knowledge that he will refuse my kind offer.

The Music Exams are in two weeks and they clash with a course I wanted to do. Child#1 is giving up Music Lessons then to focus more on sport. It is such a shame considering how talented he is but it is his choice and maybe he will take it up again when he is older.

Child#4 will not stay in his own bed at night. He suddenly appears by our bedside at about 4am every morning. He does not say anything. He just stands there staring at us with a sulky pale face until one of us wakes in terror because we were feeling watched. The other night after Dart's Practice, my husband decided to sleep with Child#1 because his blood sugar's were going low. Child#4 appeared at my bedside looking for my husband. I told him that Dad was with Child#1 and for him to go back to bed. However, he went in to Child#1's room in a rage and slapped my poor husband across the face for daring to sleep with someone else. My husband woke up in shock. We sat Child#4 down the next morning and explained that this has to stop.

Child#1 is going into 'town' after school today to walk around in the cold and rain with his fellow teens. I have to do another big shop as we are low on food thanks to the bottomless pits that are my sons.
I don't think there is anything elsee to fill you in on.
I have been eating sweets the past few days and feel zombie like as a result. I had to abandon the protein bars as they were giving the poor baby foul smelling wind.
 I will renew my attempts at healthy ways next Monday as everyone knows you cannot start on a Saturday.
Child#2's confirmation is soon and I also have to book my baby's christening date so hopefully those two dates will serve as a motivator also.
I will write later if anything interesting happens.
Cheerio for now.

Stormy Sunday

Hello, I am back!
So sorry for the long absence from blogging but it was one of those weeks...between the busyness of running here and there, severe PMS symptoms and rotten weather, it has been a week I am keen to put behind me!
I had many 'go slow' days where I felt I could just about keep up with the regular schedule, never mind fitting in exercises. I cooked and cleaned all week, folded clothes and braved the school runs and rugby/music runs in the bad, rainy weather.
I suffered cramps, mood swings and headaches as my period drew near. At one point, I wondered if I could miraculously be pregnant...my PMS and early pregnancy symptoms are the exact same. However, just as I bought a pregnancy test to be on the safe side before going for my tubal ligation, my period literally started! What a waste of money and worry time! I think it was just wishful thinking as I really am not ready to do this procedure.
My friend's dad died unexpectedly also. It was so sad and my heart went out to her and her family. It made me count my blessings.

I spent two days folding laundry and putting it away, silently and sometimes not so silently fuming and once again wondering why my husband spends his time outdoors and ignores all the housework.
Granted, the cow had a calf last Sunday but I have found my husband standing in the shed quite often just 'watching' them as if it was a seriously important task. Meanwhile, I am snowed under in housework trying to get ready for Child#4's birthday party that I foolishly invited 16 kids to,plus my own. I thought it would be nice for him, especially as he worked hard all week to catch up on his homework that he had neglected for two weeks!
Child#1, 2 and 3 pulled sick days at different stages during the week and of course by 11am, they'd be as right as rain.
Child#1 confided in me that he had a girlfriend a few months ago but they broke up. I hid my shock quite well and chatted way as if this was a regular, normal thing. I was shaking on the inside though thinking how grown up he was getting so fast.

School runs have been a chore lately as the gate has to be opened and closed each time I leave, thanks to my husband's cows being around the house. They are due to calf so he needs to keep an eye on them. Therefore, I get soaked several times a day in the torrential rain.

 My husband has been rained off a few days this week also, which did not help his mood. He was thankfully around therefore for the big birthday party to help me watch all the children! Any other day, he found things to do outside and neglected all the things inside...like changing lightbulbs, insulating the crawl space so we don't freeze upstairs, hanging my curtain pole upstairs so I can put up curtains...

My mother in law is down several times a day now to talk about the cows outside, even though I have made it crystal clear that I do not give a rat's arse where they are, or what they are doing. All I hear is 'Did you see the baby calves? ' 'Oh they are rogues, always going before them!' or 'That cow shouldn't be out in the rain after having a calf...help me put her in', or 'My cow hasn't cleaned yet, think why that is now?'
Aaaaaah! It is driving me crazy! She has gone up to her daughter for the weekend now and I feel like I am on holiday. The baby has a break from PJ being screeched in his face too. Part of me does miss her though and I shouldn't complain. She always minds the kids if I ask her to.

I have been all week on Live Chat with a Little woods rep also, trying to track down my fitness watch that never arrived. I go between Little woods and the courier demanding to know where it is. When it finally arrives on Friday...a week late, the seal is broken on the box and so, I have to return it. I do not order off Littlewoods again as I do not want to risk another delay. I buy one from DID electrical. Hopefully, it will arrive on Tuesday and I will have no excuse not to be back on track.
It is also time to upgrade our phones so I have been tackling that ordeal all week with Three.
We are going to go for a Samsung A7. So as you can see, I had little time for writing unfortunately. Though I desperately missed it.
I devised a Cleaning Tick Sheet also that helped motivate me start the cleaning process in this mad house. Now the major cleaning has been done, I do a few minutes every morning keeping on top of it and ticking as I go. I plan to declutter a room each week too. I ordered new chair covers for my dining room. I am ashamed to say my cats have absolutely destroyed the lovely leather chairs over time, using them as scratch posts. It started off as the odd scratch here and there a few years ago, when we had our first kitten. Then four years ago, we got a litter of three kittens together and they ruined everything! They also bite and scratch the kids. They are spoiled and ungrateful yet everyone (not the husband) loves them and tries to cuddle them, which leads to more tears.
Our most recent kitten is now a tom cat and he sprayed the upstairs somewhere last week. I have been searching for cleaning vinegar online ever since but I can't find any. It is meant to neutralise the awful cat piss smell and deter them from doing it in future.
I ordered new walking shoes to go with my new fitness watch. I ordered new underwear for Child#2 because he refuses to wear his other underwear as he thinks Child#3 has been wearing them.
I picked up all the toys upstairs early Friday morning only for the gang of children to throw them all over the place but I spent ten minutes tidying up again to put some order on the place.
Today is actually Child#4's 7th birthday. I cannot believe that he is seven already! It is a horrible, stormy day so I baked him birthday buns at home instead of going out in this weather. My husband is insulating the upstairs while all other children are playing a zombie game on the xbox. The baby is asleep while I write.

As I wrote earlier, I had a rotten week with PMS symptoms. I really have to get a handle on how to manage the PMS as I do not want to be going through that for a week every month. I feel demotivated and lethargic and I eat all my emotions which range from anger, to despair to indifference! If I avoid junk food and take B6 vitamins and exercise before it hits I should be ok but it always creeps up on me and next thing I am in the throes of it and nothing can get me out of it and the pain and tension until the period actually starts.

On top of all this, I was very anxious because of my procedure date looming closer. My mind has felt like exploding all week going back and over between going ahead or cancelling the tubal ligation. It is not that I want more children, but I don't like the feeling of not being able to have more children. There is a big difference between 'won't' and 'can't'. I am afraid of the pain of the procedure as I have been through a larparoscopy before with the ectopic. It seems quite drastic when I can just use barrier methods and timing. I guess I got so caught up in the 'who' will get it done, my husband or I that I did not think it through how I'd feel. I don't want my husband to get it done now either. It is his choice. Just like this is my choice. And I was so busy organising the when and how that I neglected to consider my feelings on it. While, I don't want to be pregnant again and I have six, healthy children, I don't want to do this procedure. It doesn't feel right to me and I need to trust my instincts. My husband says it is totally up to me and not to be going by my Mom and Dad. And, that is very true. I shouldn't do it because my Dad keeps giving out about sorting myself out. It has to be my decision. I did decide I didn't want more children. I did make my own appointment and set my own date...nobody forced me to. But now, that it is in 5 days time, I am feeling extremely uneasy about it.
I am so afraid I will suddenly be plunged into despair because I 'can't' have more children even though I didn't even consider having any more before setting this date up! I think I am one of those people who would be greatly affected by it and feel 'empty' or 'useless'. I know after the ectopic I was inconsolable because I only had one tube and I thought I'd never have any more.
I am not ready to face a load of emotion next Friday and after. I have a little baby to focus on right now. There is no panic. My consultant did suggest waiting until he was over a year and I finished breastfeeding but I suggested going as soon as possible. And now I have changed my mind again!
Maybe the breastfeeding hormones are affecting my feelings or the PMS.
Or maybe it is because I have been put under twice...the ectopic and the infection so I am afraid.
Either way, I think I will postpone it on Friday for my own mental health before I drive myself crazy or my husband!
I am happy with my healthy and happy children and I by not going ahead with the tubal ligation does not mean I am planning another baby. My husband would run for the hills even if I did !
Now, I better go and feed the children and lay out uniforms for tomorrow!